How Do You Get Over Losing a Pet?
Losing a pet is a heartbreaking experience as they become cherished family members. The grief that follows can bring a mix of emotions, from sadness to guilt and even relief.
The Emotions of Grief
It is normal to move through the emotions, listed below, in a non-linear way. You may experience one of these more than the other. You may also cycle through them. Some people may experience moments of these emotions through the course of their lives, especially when something reminds you of your deceased pet.
Shock and Denial
Shock and denial are natural emotional reactions to death; even if there was anticipation of your pet’s death. Sometimes shock and denial can come through in routine ways. For example, you might find yourself accidentally buying their favorite treat, grabbing the leash for a walk, or waking up expecting to see them next to you in bed. You might also find yourself saying “I can’t believe they are gone.” These emotional reactions and behaviors allow us to slowly process the loss, which can be integral in the healing process.
Guilt
Oftentimes this emotion comes up upon reflection of the choices that were made during your pet’s life and end of life. It is normal to wonder if you did enough for your pet or if euthanasia happened at the right time. Please know, if you loved and cared for your pet, you did the best you could with the resources you had at the time.
Relief
Relief after a pet dies can also be a normal part of grief. You may feel relief that their pain is over. You may feel relief that you no longer have to schedule vet visits. You may feel relief that you don’t have to worry about finding a pet sitter for your upcoming vacation. This isn’t wrong—it’s just another emotion that helps you process their absence
Loneliness
Pets offer us quiet companionship that sometimes no one else can replicate. They offer non-judgmental support and comfort after a long, hard day. It is common to notice their absence and feel lonely after they die.
Anger
Experiencing anger is a normal emotion to have during the grieving process. You might feel anger about how your pet died, the length of their life, or even anger towards the world. Anger is not bad, but a normal reaction to something that seems unfair. Depending on the nature of the death, you may feel anger towards another person, your pet, or yourself. Sometimes, this anger is a part that is attempting to shield oneself from the vulnerability of sadness or fear.
Sadness and Heartbreak
It is normal to feel sad and heartbroken after your pet dies. You might notice a heaviness or experience episodes of crying or tearfulness. This makes sense because your pet meant a lot to you and you naturally are missing them.
Acceptance
Acceptance in grief is the gradual realization that life must continue without your pet. It often comes after a period of experiencing the emotions that are discussed above. Acceptance does not mean that you have forgotten your pet or that you are okay with their death, but rather finding a way to live with it and incorporating their absence into your life. For many, this means being able to cherish memories of your pet, without feeling intense sadness, anger, and/or guilt associated with the loss.
Instead, you may notice a sense of peace, which can be fleeting or fragile at times. It is important to know that the complex emotions associated with grief are not linear and they may resurface, even after having a moment of acceptance. Ultimately, acceptance in grief reflects a shift toward finding meaning in life again, even after a profound loss.
Why is Losing a Pet So Hard?
Losing a pet is unique because many times, pets' lives are contained to our household. While our extended family, friends, and coworkers may know about our pets, they may not have a personal relationship with them. You might find yourself needing to return to work shortly after your pet's passing.
Oftentimes because of this, the death of a pet feels dismissed by society, which leaves for a greater sense of aloneness. The relationship that you had with your pet is unique and it might be hard to describe the silliness of their personality or the comfort that they brought to you.
Additionally, companion pets in a multi-pet household may also grieve. Changes in their behavior—such as withdrawal, decreased appetite, or searching for the deceased pet—are normal. Providing them with extra attention and maintaining routines can help them cope as well.
How Do You Get Over Losing a Pet?
Seek Out Support: Asking for support from a family member, friend, veterinarian, or mental health provider can help provide the necessary resources as you navigate the death of your pet. Maybe support looks like asking your partner, child, or friend for a hug. Your veterinarian may be able to provide resources for a pet loss support group or hotline. A mental health provider can hold space for you as you navigate the emotions and phases of grief.
Self Care: Grief can be exhausting, so tending to your physical and emotional well-being is crucial. Make sure to take time to care for you by checking in on your basic needs. Continue to stay hydrated, eat regular meals, attend to hygiene, and get good rest following the death of your pet.
Allow Yourself to Grieve: As much as possible, acknowledge your thoughts and emotions as they relate to your grief. It can be common to say you are fine, when really you are sad and hurting. Take time to notice the emotion and where you feel it in your body. This will allow you to further process the grief.
Create a Ritual or Memorial: It can be nice to make a place in your home for your pet’s ashes (if you have them) or a picture to remember them by. You might also want to add their favorite toy or their collar.
Help Children Cope: If you have children, involve them in discussions about the pet’s death in an age-appropriate way. Encourage them to express their feelings and participate in rituals or memorials. Drawing pictures, writing letters, or talking openly about their emotions can help them process the loss.
Talk or Write About Your Pet: Share with loved ones stories and memories that you have with your pet. Write down what your pet meant to you or experiences you had together. You may even write an obituary to post to an online pet forum that captures who your pet was and their favorite things.
Give Yourself Time: There is no right way to grieve. Give yourself compassion to work through your grief at your own pace.
You Will Feel Better Eventually
Coping with the death of a pet is never easy, but with support, self-compassion, and time, you can heal from the acute sadness. Eventually, you may notice a sense of peace related to the joy and love your pet brought to your life.
While the death of your pet will always be a part of your journey, it can eventually coexist with the gratitude and love you feel for the time you had together. Remember that it’s okay to grieve, and it’s okay to seek help, like life transitions therapy, if you need it.